Why I'm Writing

Whenever I find a book that I love, there are very few things (my loved ones and Diet Pepsi) that I love more than it.

Couple that with the fact that I love everything about writing -- the complex world of grammar rules, how a tweak in syntax can change everything, the way certain words sound, the way putting words down on the page feels like unloading a weight, the beginnings and middles and ends -- and it's kind of obvious why I'm writing a book.

I'm not in it to make money, so that's half the battle forfeited. Would I like to be wildly successful so I can write full time? Of course. But that's not why I'm here.

I'm 32. I told myself I'd have my first novel published -- one way or another -- by age 30. It got to the point where I hated myself for dragging my feet. I had my priorities in the right order; I was taking care of my babies and getting sleep and being a good employee. But I hated myself for letting the dream hang there. If I didn't pick the apple off the tree now, I'd lose my chance.

I've started and stopped writing novels for probably eighteen years now. I NEVER got to the end of one, because it was never good enough to me. The plot was implausible or boring. The characters were two-dimensional or inconsistent. The writing was choppy.

I never wanted to finish (let alone share) a book until I was certain the response would be "Wow, great book!" "I didn't know you could write!" "You should publish this!" And I never felt I would get that response.

Sharing a rough draft -- a book that I haven't finished let alone edited -- is very far out of my comfort zone. Openly saying that it's crap is a self-defeating urge that I have to stamp down. It is what it is, and it has the potential to be more, if I can put in more work and let in more faith.

More work.

More faith.

Less overthinking.

The full cover

I'm compulsive. I can fall back on a cover designing career maybe?

Chapters 1-24 posted here: amzn.to/1950ihv 

Cover design by Lindsay Dawning.
Cover photographs: “Nude Back and Long Hair” by ludypro1 / iStock; “White medicine bandage on human hand” by johnaaron81 / iStock; “Portrait” by Hlib Shabashnyi / iStock.